A heartfelt account of a parent’s dementia diagnosis

May 17, 2017

Newhaven resident Richard Hewson, 78, was diagnosed with dementia in 2013. His son Steve describes the effect that this diagnosis had on his family.

Rik & Steve out

Ricky Hewson (left) and son Steve

“We noticed a change four years ago,” says Steve, 54. “Subtle things like when he received birthday cards he’d place them upside down on the mantelpiece. He’d also pretend to have read them when he hadn’t and he’d attempt to read an upside down newspaper.

“One day my mum, Maureen, was waiting at the bus stop with him and decided to pop into the bank for a minute, leaving dad at the bus stop. When she returned he’d disappeared. It turned out he’d just got on the bus – without her or a ticket.”

Early years

Young Rik in the Navy (left)

Ricky Hewson (left) and friend in the Navy

In his younger years Richard, known as Ricky, was a member of the Royal Navy. He joined in 1954 and was discharged on medical grounds twelve years later following a head injury in a jeep accident. For the rest of his working life Ricky was in management at Bevan Funnell, Newhaven, specialising in reproduction furniture – a job he loved.

Ricky also loved socialising; he was chairman of the darts team and pool league and could add up darts scores in his head in seconds.

Navy Rik (right) 2

Ricky Hewson (right) and friend in the Navy

Diagnosis

Ricky was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2013, and for the first two years he and Maureen were able to carry on life pretty much as normal. Then the situation started to deteriorate, but Maureen was determined to try to cope on her own, largely shielding the problems from Steve and his elder brother and sister.

“I got a phone call one night from mum, asking me to come round to try and stop Dad from leaving the house,” said Steve. “Dad had got up in the middle of the night and was trying to go outside in the cold and rain in his boxer shorts – and this wasn’t the first time.”

“Mum had been trying to cope with all this on her own, playing down how bad the situation had become,” said Steve. “We discovered that mum hadn’t really slept for two weeks and had been sitting up with dad to make sure he didn’t leave the house.”

After this incident Ricky was taken to hospital, and then placed in a care home in Eastbourne. Maureen was travelling from Newhaven to the care home every other day on the bus. Steve could see the strain this was causing and got in touch with social services to see if his dad could be moved closer to home, but was told there weren’t any places available.

Steve said: “I’m a paramedic so I know which are the good care homes in the area.” Steve called Clifden House to see if it had a space. Luckily, one had become free that very day and Ricky was able to move to Clifden House Dementia Care Centre as a permanent resident.

Family ties

Rik & Mo_Fotor

Ricky and his wife Maureen

“Mum does feel guilty about dad being in a home, despite the fact that my siblings and I have tried to tell her not to feel this way.

“Mum always spoilt dad and did everything for him. I think she didn’t want to believe it was happening. She wanted to keep him at home for as long as possible.

“Mum understands though that she can’t deal with dad at home safely. The risk of him hurting himself is too high. She takes comfort in knowing that he’s now safe and professionally cared for.

A great dad

steve and rik_Fotor_Fotor

Ricky and Steve at Clifden House

“He doesn’t always recognise us,” said Steve, who visits once a week. “Sometimes he harks back to his navy days and asks how many boats we’ve had to take to get to him.”

“He was a really good dad,” says Steve. “He was also a very intelligent man. It’s sad that he’s ended up at the mercy of this cruel disease.”

“However I’ve learnt that although it’s difficult, you’ve got to be really positive. Remember the good times and the person they were. What’s happening now isn’t him; it’s the disease.”